I Can Only Imagine - Mercy Me

Here's to you Grandpa!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FS5GYvg6uU

Small Town America

I cannot begin to tell you how much I love living in a small town! I woke up this morning to quite a bit of snow in my yard. Jarod was off to speech, so the scooping had two options: me or wait. So as I drank my coffee, in my nice flannel pj's, communicating with my cousin on Facebook, I hear Barb McClintic's scooping getting louder and louder. I look out my window, and here she is scooping my sidewalk. I stuck my pony-tail-on-top head out the door and told her she didn't have to do that, but she is about as stubborn as I am! So I guiltily closed the door, returned to my coffee and Facebook, only to hear a snowblower coming down the same sidewalk. It was Becky Hopwood coming to finish off the rest of MY sidewalk for Barb. What a huge blessing those two women are!

So, I pulled on some jeans and a sweatshirt over my flannel jammies and headed out to tackle the rest! I think this snow was the greatest blessing God could have given me today! I got out in the brisk cold, worked up a sweat, got my heart pumping, inhaled some quality, non-filtered oxygen, enjoyed the twinkling snow, and was blessed with a little help from Lydia. I cannot tell you how much that snow did, not only for my body, but my heart! I feel like a new woman! A frosty one, but ready to tackle what the Lord has in store for me today!

Grandpa

Growing up, my Grandpa Ayers seemed like a giant. He stood 6'4" and I don't know how much he weighed, but he was solid. He had the hairiest arms and chest, and the hands of a gorilla. He was always doing something. When I was little he owned an appliance store in Schuyler, but then became the Supt. of Utilities. But that was just his day job. At night he would tend to his cows or some rye grass he might have planted. He would go for coffee at least twice a day, and we always knew if he wasn't at the office, we could find him at Western. We also knew that he would always be gone on Thursday nights, because he would be looking for "treasures" at the auction in Fremont.

He absolutely adored us kids, and we knew it! He would give us ice cream for breakfast, let us dodge cow pies in his pasture with the golf cart, taught me how to drive at the age of 12 so he could pick up fence, and would even let us sit in his giant-size recliner (for awhile). He teased us endlessly about boys we liked (when we were too young to like boys), and was never to welcoming to the boys we brought home (when we were old enough). He absolutley adored my friend Diane, with the red-hair! I think it was because she would give him as much shit back as he gave her! and his favorite joke was, "Want a Hurtz Donut? (Punch in the arm) Hurts, don't it!"

As life has its way with all of us, my Grandpa gradually slowed down. He refused most medical attention, and if he would agree to some sort of procedure, he would never comply with the rehab. For example, when he had back surgery many years ago, he was on the tractor two days after returning home. No doctor would touch his knees because they knew he would never do the exercises needed to break in the new ones. Life took its many twists and turns over the past 10 years, and my grandpa ended up moving to david place, much to his chagrin.

I have really enjoyed working at david place the past few months, because it has given me an opportunity to visit with my grandpa in a more "casual" manner. He would come to me, ask what I was doing, and then go on his merry way. That was just him. To go and sit in his room for a visit deemed long enough in duration would've been way too long for him. He was busy, he had things to do. But over the past two months, I noticed that he wouldn't even see me in the window anymore. He would just scoot on by without stopping to say hi. This larger-than-life man had slowly become a prisoner in his own body. He wanted to roam, to go, to be busy.....none of which he could do. And so, this morning of his passing, I am happy for him that he is now free. Maybe God will find something for him to fix, just to amuse him!

What is God thinking?

I don't think God is going to be very pleased with me, 67 + years from now, when I arrive at His pearly gates and demand to know his rationale behind giving out children to parents. I think this subject is so dear to my heart for two different reasons. My first reason is professional. Each day when I see so many of those ragamuffins pour down our hallway, my heart just breaks. So many of our children come from parents who couldn't care less about their basic needs. Many of them receive two warm meals at school, and eat junk until they return the next morning. Their once white t-shirts slowly gray as the year goes by, a prophetic symbol of their lives. I often find myself at odds with what my heart feels and what my head thinks. My head says that these third graders need to learn to meet their needs if their parents aren't going to. Things like brushing their teeth, taking a shower, packing their mittens and boots. But my heart says that as a third grader most of them are merely 8 or 9 years old. They are just little kids. They are supposed to be chasing each other on the playground playing Star Wars or acting like horses. And yet God saw these hoodlums (parents) fit to take care of His children.

The second reason this is so dear is personal. For some reason God has chosen many of my dear friends to struggle with the woes of infertility. People who love Him and serve Him. People who are educated, hard-working, deep-rooted. People who not only have the monetary capacity, but the mental capacity, to truly raise children in His word. I don't get it - I just don't get it. Why does God continue time and again to bless so many people with children when they don't take care of the ones they have?

This is one area where I really struggle to understand what God has planned. While it is really hard to sit back and watch my girlfriends melt into tears with each menstrual cycle that shouldn't have come....it is even harder to stand on the street corner each night and watch my "kids" leave with parents who seldom seem happy to see them. I am sure that God will have a very good response when I ask Him my question, as He knows my heart and will have had many years to prepare a solid explanation. In the meantime, I will pray for my girlfriends who dearly want children, and for the parents who have children they don't really want.

(And if you added up the years, I have every intention of living to be over 100 years old!)

PMS

For me PMS usually has a different definition than many women. Yes, I get bitchy, my boobs hurt, and I gain 5 lbs of water weight. But instead of PreMenstrual Syndrome, for me it stands for Psychotic Manifestation of Symptoms. Every little ache turns into something major in my mind the week or 10 days before my period. While I know it is absolutely and totally irrational thinking, I constantly am at battle with my mind to calm down and just relax. I will even look things up on the internet, WebMD. It is totally psycho! This month seems to have been worse. I don't know why ~ I'd like to blame it on the fact that I need Jarod home to engage in conversation to keep my mind occupied.

I guess the up-side to all of this is that it is usually better within a day or so of getting my period, and that I can rationalize again for another 4 weeks (thanks to a 5 week cycle). I guess I should also be thankful for the fact that I can recognize the psychosis in all of it and not pay $25 to have my doctor reassure me, ever-so-patiently, that I am fine and it is just my horomones! Sometimes I just hate being a woman! and please, please let my period come so I can be sane again!

LOVE

I think this song says it all perfectly!

Love by Sugarland

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_nwUWqsecw

New Favorites

Here are a few of my new favorite acquisitions. While they may be simple, I love them all!

Since Kelsie is now selling Uppercase Living, I had to splurge on a few new things!

The top item is in Lydia's room. I think it truly captures her personality.

The picture below captures mine. It says "I am a Material Girl. (Want to see my Fabric?)".

These two pictures show fabric I received from my friend Barb Hart. Her father's sister worked in a silkscreen factory back in the day, and so Barb shared these pieces of fabric with me! I made pillows out of them!

They are really beautiful and totally match my house!

Below is the vintage 50's tablecloth I ordered off of ebay.

It will soon become the new roman shade in my kitchen!

Cannot wait to post those pictures!

A Day Away

Although I love my children dearly, a day away can be so rejuvenating! Yesterday was rejuvenation at its best. The day started with our bible study at 7:20am. Then my mom graciously took the girls home with her, which left me 90 minutes to prepare for the rest of the day. I did miniscule hodge-podge of exercise (20 min.) and then got ready. Nobody needed anything, I listened to the radio nice and loud, and drank way too much coffee.

Tricia and I hit the ground running at 10:30 am. We managed to hit the quilt shop and Panera before our 2pm tickets to see Grease at the Orpheum. Since we were each only fiscally responsible for one ticket, we decided to splurge and sit in the loge! Our seats were perfect and the show was soooo much fun! A perfect Saturday afternoon activity. We left downtown Omaha, and I brushed up on my "backroad" detours back to Nebraska Furniture Mart. Tricia was a very trusting passenger, and my memory served us very well!

I am sure that many people would not be surprised if I said that I went to the Mart and bought some new furniture, much to Jarod's suprise. However, I am trying to kick that little independent habit of mine......so we had discussed and concurred on purchasing a new camera. Our old one was a piece of junk from the day we got it. It is currently held together with postal tape, and I haven't posted any new pics forever, because the USB cord is missing. So, Tricia was a trooper and allowed me to take numerous pix of her as I tried out a few cameras. We came away with nothing fancy, but much better than our current one!

We made a few splurges at Oakview and found some great bargains. We finished off this great day with a stop at the Indian restaurant in west Omaha. We ate till we were stuffed, our tummies nice and warm from the wine and curry, and headed for mochas at Starbucks. The girl pointed out that we were the Yin-and-Yang of mochas. She had white chocolate, and I had regular. We agreed that we are probably the Yin-and-Yang of much more than just mochas!

So after a day of laughing, collaborating, and even a few tears in our hearts, we were ready to head home to be better moms than we were 11 hours earlier! Rejuvenated by the adult conversation and lack of interruptions! So now I close to go get waffels for Laurel and Lydia, and it isn't quite as imposing as it would've been a few hours ago!

Marjorie Mae

I love this picture of my Grandma. She just looks so demure holding my dad. I often wonder what she is looking at....most likely family members in the room, as you can see the stairs in the background and she was not sitting by the window. I imagine this to be a family gathering on a Sunday afternoon at the house my grandpa grew up in, across the street from where he built his own house. and my dad....such a chubby baby for such a tiny lady!

Creatures of Habit

I am a scheduled person. I like to know what I am going to do, and what time I am going to do it. An unplanned day is the antithesis to relaxing for this girl! So it comes as no surprise that Laurel, Lydi, and I have created our own little routines during the months that Jarod is gone. We have the same routine every evening, and it comes to the point where a wrench in that routine creates a nightmare! (Our mornings are pretty darned predictable too!)

Our Friday evenings have come to consist of a trip to Columbus for Chinese food at HyVee, a few needed groceries, and of course a grande mocha from Starbucks (with whip)! There is always a little flexibility in this ritual.... a stop at Walmart, Dollar Tree, Famous Footwear, Maurices, Katie's...you never know. But I like knowing each Friday when I wake up that this little treat is waiting at the end of what is usually a very tiring day! I suppose when March comes, we might let Jarod join us.....maybe!

Tried and True

I like things that are tried and true. Like perfume....I seldom try anything new because I hate to spend that much money for something I might not like. Or pants, I always buy the same fit, from the same store, in hopefully the same size, and I am sure I will like what I get.

I've decided I like my friends tried and true, too! I am soooo thankful every day that I have had some of my friends for my whole life, others since grade school, and a few since college. That's not to say that I haven't made any new friends since I've left WSC. However, as many of you may know, friends seem to come and go. You spend time together, you put your hearts out there to be taken or left, and in a few rare instances you find a true gem! Yes, I do believe that some people come into your lives for various reasons and for various periods of time, but I am so thankful that God has chosen so many special, special people to be in my life for the duration!

This comes up because this afternoon I found myself in the kitchen of an acquaintance who invited me to a Pampered Chef party. I decided quite quickly that I wasn't really interested in sacrificing my evening to pretend to be comfortable with a bunch of women. So I took the easy road and declined the invite, but got a couple of good purchases through a nice visit in this girl's kitchen. The little girls played with her daughter....we had a great visit about our old houses and their quirks, our favorite P.C. products, recipes, etc. Your typical female conversation held in kitchen. But I found myself wondering if this was the start of a friendship. We share some things in common, but are they the important things! and do I really want to put my heart out there on the line? A college friend once told me he would rather have a few good friends than a lot of acquaintances. At that point in my life, I disagreed; however, I wish he knew that I now couldn't agree more! So this goes out to all of you who are tried and true!

Time Well Spent

Today we got out of school at 1:30pm for a staff inservice. It was definitely time well spent. We were given the low down on things like school accreditation and state wide testing. Things that I find totally interesting. and then I head back to my classroom, think about the looming subjective comments that I loathe entering on my report cards, lessons that should be prepared, and wonder, "Is this really time well spent?" Is this what I am supposed to be doing? Shouldn't I want to prepare for tomorrow? Shouldn't I want to spend time concocting fancy lessons and clipping articles from the newspaper that pertains to what we're studying? and is that really time well spent?



My girls spent the afternoon with my mom since we didn't have school. They headed off for a quick trip to Lincoln for some fabric shopping. Definitely time well spent! I, on the other hand, come home, eat a few cookies, check Facebook, and blog.....time well spent? I have the whole house to myself....I could do yoga with no interruptions, I could sew with out anyone begging to help, I could put away the 5 loads of laundry laying on the floor in the upstairs hallway. All time well spent. So why is it that I can obviously give a list of what I deem useful ways to spend time, but can't make them happen?! Maybe because while I think I love quiet, I truly can only function in utter chaos!

Marjorie's Grandaughter

The inspiration for the title of this blog came from the song Rosemary's Grandaughter, by Sara Evans. How ironic the artist is named Sara, I had no clue! Anyway, from the very first time I heard this song, I felt so liberated. There is no denying that I am not your typical 33 year old girl. I'm not trendy, nor am I worried about fulfilling some expected social roles (stay-at-home mom, soccer mom, trendy/fit mom).... I am just me. I love old stuff and most of my friends in this town could be my mother ~ if age really counted. (Good thing it doesn't!) When I heard this song, I just wanted to cry because I truly am my grandmother's grandaughter, and this song reminded me that I shouldn't be anything else!

If you're not familiar with the lyrics, here they are:

i am rosemary's grandaughter, spinning image of my father, and when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan. sometimes I am foolish and I am clumsy, but I have friends that love me, and they know just where i stand. it is all apart of me and that is who i am.

So let me tell you a little big about Marjorie. My grandma Steinberger was a mere 4'11" and was always on a diet, though she wore a skinny size 10. Her hobbies were housekeeping and shopping. On any given Saturday or Sunday, you could find my grandpa sitting in the middle of Westroads tending her bags while he worked a crossword puzzle. She was very prim and proper. She owned closets full of clothes and wore stiletto heels. She organized her closets by types of clothing, and then by color. She did not own a pair of jeans, and while we often saw her in her pj's at night, we never saw her bed unmade. She rose with the sun to clean her floors and prepare for the day. She was stern and made us behave; however, we never really figured that out until we were older. She would make us dance with her in the living room to Lawrence Welk, because Grandpa wouldn't. This was before we would head off to Sat. evening mass and then out to dinner for prime rib. She taught us how to behave in a restaurant, and rewarded us with her pride when we complied. She played canasta with a group of ladies, and would come over every Wed. night to sit with us in case my dad would get called in to the hospital while my mom taught Lamaze. She taught us that you only talk during the commercials when Dallas, Dynasty, and Falcon Crest are on. She also let us hang up our Grandpa's socks from a nylon clothes line in the living room, and we never visited without making instant pudding (which was not eaten a minute before the 5 minutes were up). My grandma was a fighter, spunky, small but mighty. She has been gone for almost 15 years due to breast cancer. It breaks my heart that she is not here to see my babies, because she would have loved them so much! In July of 1994, an old woman sat with my grandpa and I at the funeral dinner and said to me, " You will be the next Marjorie." There is nothing I would rather be!